According to a recent scientific paper, our shoelaces are put through the physical wringer with every single step we take, reaching a combined impact and acceleration rate of 7Gs — about as much as an Apollo spacecraft on reentry to Earth’s atmosphere. Being the wizards of science and whimsy that we claim to be, are there scientific explanations for other mundane misadventures we all experience every day?
What if we had another option in this election? A candidate without any of the typical east coast, Washington ties? A nominee programmed from birth with the kind of temperament and intellect necessary to lead? What if we could vote for someone whom the American people trusted? What if Google ran for President?
America’s preferred streaming service has mutated into an all-consuming, overpowering, and overwhelming leviathan of lethargy, and its thirst for your eyeballs will never be quenched. No matter where or when we are, it’s there, watching and stalking you like Michael Myers behind a hedge row.